Building the Life Roster: The Most Familiar & Important Roster Post Sports

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on my time as a collegiate athlete. It’s been extremely nostalgic. While going down memory lane is fun, it’s even better when you travel down memory lane with former teammates who are able to truly understand the sacrifices, the growth, and the deep connection you have to those specific moments in life, which are forever TRANSFORMATIVE.

However, only former players who have had this level of joy also understand the grief when it all ends. Most of the time we and other people believe that we are only losing our identity of being an elite athlete, but as I move through my adult journey and continue healing, I recognize that it was WAY more than losing my identity as a player on the court.

In basketball, we grieve the loss of a family of about 40 people (depending on sport) including all the teammates we played with, all of the coaches we played for, and all the support systems once we graduate. This loss (as psychologists/therapists share—I’m not one!) can be the equivalent of grieving the loss of someone. So that grief you feel is so much more than you can comprehend in that moment.

IT IS… 

1. the end of a playing career.

2. the end of everyday relationships with teammates, coaches and athletic community.

3. the end of comfortably showing up as your most vulnerable self and it being accepted regardless of what day it was on and off the court/field.

4. the end of being part of a community from different walks of life and beliefs, and still bold enough to dream the same dream and accomplish the same goal—athletics, academics, and personal growth.

Although this has been heavy in my reflection, so has the feeling of this experience in life not happening in vain. This experience has given the gift of knowing – THE LIFE ROSTER.

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Being removed from collegiate athletics for 10 years now, I’ve been yearning for the level of connection and expression I had in that short moment of my life. In those days as a player or teammate, you prided yourself on showing up every day as who you were. These were critical times for any 17 -22 year old exploring a new college life, discovering who we were, what we liked, what our tolerance levels were, how to set boundaries, and how to manage a new lifestyle and people. Essentially, we were ticking time bombs on any given day with the stressors we faced.

We also experienced the joy of it all too. With all the adversity we showed up every day— loving ourselves through it all and believing we were moving towards something greater. Our teammates stood beside us through it all and created the most raw and real space for us to just be who we needed to be in order to conquer a common goal.

Until my recent birthday celebration, I haven’t had the experience I just described. The experience of going through challenging and joyful moments in life with an authentic and consistent group of people, but also bringing those people together and watching them love on each other as hard as they love on you. 

It was that moment I realized I didn’t experience the loss of my collegiate athletic career in vain. It was a lesson to prepare anyone who played and had a healthy experience in collegiate sports to build a LIFE ROSTER.

THE LIFE ROSTER WHO…

1. continues to encourage you in your life journey— dreams and aspirations.

2. provides you with the most aligned and healthy relationships.

3. nourishes you in your most vulnerable moments.

4. will come together to embrace community values of learning, growing and sharing of fears, desires, and destinies.

5. challenge you compassionately when you’ve acted out of character.

It’s worth it and any athlete that understands the loss and grief of your playing career, your LIFE ROSTER is a key foundation for all the grand accomplishments you have yet to accomplish. Remember— build this roster— it’s the most important roster you’ll ever be a part of!